The Apartment: Day one

Within 20 hours of checking into our apartment Lionel and I have managed to each bang a Ukrainian. This particular apartment was selected due to its central location and our most favoured club in L’viv, “Metro”, is only a 15 Minute walk away. In one of my recent posts I discussed logistics and believe the following furthers their importance.

We arrived back in L’viv from Kiev after 10 days of extreme intoxication, random hook-ups and seedy bathroom sex to move into a centrally located apartment at a cost of €75 per week. We decided that after weeks of binging on fast food, a healthier option would best provide us with the sustenance needed for the week long sex-fest we we’re hoping for. We filled our fridge with enough fruit and vegetables to feed an orgy and got started on contacting Julia and Penelope.

Julia, the slim, fiery red head and Penelope, the assumed cock-fiend, were the Ukrainians we failed to bang on our previous visit to L’viv. Lionel and I had decided that the only reason we didn’t get to dip our cock inside of them was due to the fact we had no suitable bedding arrangement to do so. We had no other option but to rent an apartment for the sole purpose of having a bed in close proximity to the bars we were visiting.

We arranged to meet the girls at a club called “Metro”. It’s generally good any time of the week, but the girl to guy ratio is best on the weekends. Lionel and I spent most of our pre-drinking discussing our game plan. After the last encounter the girls knew what they were in for. We wanted sex and we wanted it tonight, but we weren’t about to make it that obvious.

After paying our 35 Hryvnia (€3) entry we were greeted with a dance-floor packed full of horny drunken Ukrainians. Lionel and I worked our way through the crowd to the outdoor area where we sat like patient lions waiting for our prey to arrive. Our plan was simple: Get the girls back our apartment, but it would prove to be easier said than done.

Both Julia and Penelope seemed fairly standoffish. The conversation flowed well, but their reactions toward us when getting close seemed a little off. They were playing hardball and after a conversation between Lionel and I during one of their toilet breaks we decided adopting Neanderthal type behaviour was a better option.

Mid-conversation I took Julia’s hand and pulled her to the other side of the bar, slid my hand up the back of her neck and grabbed a fist full of hair and gently squeezed. She let out a sigh as I pushed my cock against her crotch and thrust my tongue down her throat. After opening one eye to see what Lionel was up to with Penelope it would seem that he had employed the exact same technique. Two couples having aggressive, cave man make out sessions over the bar would have been quite a sight from an outsiders point of view, but at this stage we were happy to try anything to make their pussies wet enough for them to agree to visit our apartment.

Lionel: “You girls have to see our wallpaper! I’m not going to tell you what colour it is, but it’s hideous!”

This was a well disguised way of getting the Ukrainians back to our apartment and it seemed to work up until we reached the steps leading to our front door.

Julia: “Okay, we’re going home”

Lionel and I proceeded to walk up the steps in front of the girls as if we hadn’t heard them. We opened the door to the apartment as Lionel went on about how ridiculous our wallpaper was. They seemed to respond to forceful behaviour, so we had no other choice but to ignore anything they said that didn’t go along with our plan to get them naked. They soon followed using the excuse that they would come in just to “sleep”. Game over.

I pushed Julia into my room and onto my bed. I looked back to see the door open and, like a trained dog, Penelope closed the door for us as she drunkenly wandered into Lionel’s room. Before I knew it Julia had already taken off all of her clothes, but I was soon just as naked as she was. As I slid my hands down I noticed her crotch was insanely wet, it was as if her water had just broken.

Earlier in the night I had mentioned to Lionel that our beds, although in different rooms, are only a few metres apart. It was like Lionel’s cock was entering Penelope’s vagina an inch from my ear. As Julia let out squeals of pleasure, I could hear Lionel plowing into his very first Ukrainian.

Afterwards Lionel and I rendezvoused in the kitchen covered in sweat. “Sounded like she enjoyed you” I said. “She was a virgin” Lionel replied with a devious smirk on his face.

I’m not 100% sure whether it was a combination of them feeling comfortable enough to fuck us along with having a nearby apartment or just simply having an apartment that got us this particular bang; I guess only time will tell.

- Gavin Madden

The night I got my Ukrainian Flag

After three hookups with no bangs I have finally captured my Ukrainian flag.  I still standby my thoughts on decent Ukrainian girls not being easy, however it would seem this girl would come as a small exception.

The night before Lionel and I had managed to kiss two girls he had met on the beach in Varna. They were Kiev locals and agreed to be our tour guides and had kindly shown us around the city. We arranged to meet them the following night at a bar within a 10-minute walk of our hostel. We planned to invite them back to watch a movie on the hostel’s projector after we got a little boozy.

Lionel and I arrived at the bar after consuming half a bottle of vodka each. We met the girls out the front and after talking to them for a bit, but their vibe was noticeably different and it was obvious we were a lot drunker than they were. There was a moment of Patrick Bateman style panic when I realised what needed to be done. I turned to Lionel, looked him in the eye and said “If we don’t hook up with these girls within the next five minutes we must ditch them”. It was a Saturday night, the club was teeming with hotties and I wasn’t prepared to hang out with girls who weren’t partying as hard as us.

Five-minutes passed and it was time to ditch the girls who had shown us around the city the day beforehand for the chance at Ukrainian glory. We made our way through a sea of bangable women and stereotypical ugly Ukrainian men to the other side of the bar and within minutes we had made some new friends.

Tanya was around 160cm and weighed no more than 40kgs, Her hair, which she had recently cut short, was dyed ice blonde. Her English was fortunately very good and she had a certain sexuality about her when she spoke that made me want to rip her clothes off and fuck her to within an inch of her life right there on the dance floor. I decided that she probably wouldn’t be down for that, so I patiently waited.

During a trip to the bathroom Lionel I and had got stuck in a conversation with a man that looked like a homeless pedophile. He had come to the club alone and was obviously looking to find a group to leach off. I was fairly polite to begin with, but I didn’t want a sweaty middle-aged man ruining my game, so I had no choice but to ignore him for the rest of the night.

After half an hour of dancing and talking Tanya’s friend gave me a look as if to say, “You’re cool, do whatever you want to my friend”, so I pulled Tanya in and kissed her; it was on! She was a fairly fast paced kisser so I had to slow it down a notch or two because my tongue seemed low on energy.

At this point the girls we had originally come to the bar with came over to Lionel and I to say goodbye. It was as awkward as walking in on your sister masturbating.

Lionel had spent a good deal of time trying his luck with a 9. She seemed quite responsive, but her friends, who looked bored as fuck, seemed to be weighing her down. Meanwhile Tanya’s friend (A 5 face, but a 9 body) was being a third wheel, so I asked Lionel do to what any good friend would do and take one for the team.

He quickly pounced and that was my green light to get the girls back to our hostel. They showed little resistance which, judging by past experience, seemed strange for Ukrainians.

Once back at the hostel we all decided to head out the front for a cigarette. We all chatted for a while about our obvious cultural differences and how Lionel and I look very similar. Tanya asked me to follow her around the corner because she wanted to “show me something”. I suddenly had an instant erection. As I pressed her up against the wall I noticed that she had already pulled her pants down around her ankles. I followed suit and proceeded to bend her over in full view of the adjacent apartments.

After blowing my load all over her back we decided it would be best to join Lionel and co. back in our hostel. Upon our arrival we heard Lionel and his girl making out in the kitchen so we headed to the common room and made a makeshift bed out of two beanbags. Tanya seemed ready for more as we ate each other’s faces and she jerked me off so I lead her to one of the hostel’s many toilets and this is where this story gets kind of messy.

I bent her over in the very same fashion as I did outside the front of our hostel only this time her vagina seemed to be a lot looser. Upon closer inspection it would seem that my cock was three quarters of the way up her ass. I suspected that she had taken one two many poundings and her asshole had become possibly doubly as loose as her pussy.

I decided to let it slide and pound away as I usually would, but something was off, the smell of the bathroom was a little pungent. I didn’t want to look down as I may see something that would make me spew. As I fucked her, the very thought of anything remotely brown seeping out of her ass made me dry wrench, but that wouldn’t stop me. I continued to treat her loose ass like a slut whilst choking up pieces of what I had eaten for dinner that night. After five or so minutes the smell became overwhelming, I had no choice I had to look down.

What I saw was shit smeared all over her ass and onto my cock. I dry wrenched some more as she sat on the toilet and wiped herself with a piece of toilet paper. I left the toilet in disgust and went back to join Lionel and his girl. I mouthed to Lionel “There was shit everywhere” and he had a bit of a chuckle.

I would fuck Tanya again in the kitchen 30 minutes later, but images of what happened in that bathroom came flashing back and made my orgasm just that little bit less satisfying.

Would I trade my first Ukrainian experience for normal sex in a bed without the shit? Surprisingly, No.

- Gavin Madden

The importance of logistics

My recent experience in L’viv, Ukraine, has proven everything I’ve learnt about the importance of good logistics to be true. You may have the tightest game in the world, but with an apartment that’s too far away or a hostel that doesn’t allow guests, your nights will become frustratingly sexless.  The only exception to this would be to find a quality girl that’s happy to fuck you in an alleyway, but this behaviour is most common amongst fat and/or ugly girls.

I believe one of the most common mistakes made by men is assuming that logistical problems will work themselves out and that if you can’t supply the bed she will happily invite you around to stay the night.  This may happen after a few dates, but rarely when trying for a one-night-stand. It was this exact behaviour that would lead Lionel and I to a horribly frustrating night with our first hook-ups in Ukraine.

Julia was a tall, slim Red head with a ghetto booty and would moan mid make out session to let you know you were doing a good job.  Penelope was shorter and quieter, but alcohol would turn her into a sex fiend with an appetite for cock.

We had organised to meet them at a local S&M bar for drinks. Earlier in the night Lionel and I had briefly discussed sneaking the girls back into our hostel dorm rooms, but doing this would prove to be difficult. Julia had come to out with an attitude problem and Penelope was noticeably drunker and hornier much to the delight of Lionel.

After receiving a few lashing from the waitress, Julia was making it very obvious that she was wanting to go home. Penelope, who by this time was slurring her words and sitting on Lionel’s lap, wanted nothing more but to be riding Lionel’s penis like a well trained jockey.

During the walk home Lionel had convinced Penelope to come back to the hostel to “sleep”, but Julia seemed hell-bent on idea that going home would be a better option. The girls would argue in Ukrainian for the next few minutes I would say it would’ve roughly translated to this:

Penelope: “I wouldn’t mind rimming Lionel tonight, but you’re being a bitch! Can we please just go back to their hostel?”

Julia: “I don’t want cock as much as you want cock so we’re both not having cock, you’re coming home with me!”

Penelope: “But I haven’t had any cock in 24 hours and I need my fix!”

Julia: "No Penelope, you’ll just have to wait until I need cock, then you may have cock also!”

Penelope: “Bitch!”

Julie: “Slut!”

Penelope: “Okay we’ll go back their hostel, but only to sleep”

Julie: “Yes….sleep”

The girls would walk us up to our hostel where Lionel and I would isolate the girls and have passionate make out sessions. The receptionists were usually asleep on the couches by this time, but for some reason we were greeted by a plump lady as soon as we opened the door. She politely refused them entry and we were stuck in the doorway with two attractive, willing Ukrainian women with no place to fuck.

It was at this point it dawned on me that we were complete fuck wits. Why didn’t we plan for this? This may have been our only chance to fuck these girls and we didn’t plan to have a bed?

The girls scampered back down the stares. Julia and I made out a little more just inside the front door as Lionel was doing his best to convince Penelope to sneak him in to her parent’s house. The girls made an exit and we were left with rock hard penises that we had tucked under our belts.

The moral of this story is clear: Always have a bed handy to plow a girl in. Whether it be day or night, it’s in your penis’ best interest.

- Gavin Madden