Sex in Lagos

As I write this post I have just woken from a night of freaky sex with my Finnish roommate. She spoke little to no English, which I found incredibly hot and danced like a stripper on acid once alcohol was in her system. She refused to kiss me in the bar, but would happily have unprotected sex with me behind closed doors. Every time I escalated in the bedroom she would say no, but she was the one eventually guiding my mushroom tip into her vagina. I am yet to throw ‘no’ into google translate, but I think it would mean the same in Finnish. This was my third bang in 5 days, all of which have been unprotected; so needless to say, I should probably get my dick checked.

Arriving in Lagos 5 days ago was a sweet feeling because I knew, from past visits, that the vagina was fairly hungry around this time of year. I was very much looking forward to meeting up with a couple of my friends that I had met throughout Europe in 2009 and 2010. They had brought some ladies along for the ride, so that would swing the penis/vagina ratio to 1:15 in favour of vagina. I almost jerked it on the train coming into Lagos just knowing how good this could turn out.

Within 30 seconds of walking into my hostel, Sarah had racked me up some "Charles” which quickly cured my jet lag. I heard that he was out of town in 2011 and as he has a tendency to make cock hunters out of nuns, so this could only mean good things in 2012. The decidedly more attractive group of girls were keen to head out, so after a heavy pre-drinking session we hit the bars. Earlier in the evening Sarah had mentioned that the other girls in the group knew about me hooking up with their best mate in 2010. Unfortunately that story involves me going down on her for 45 minutes so I could divert the attention away from me not being able to maintain a full and firm erection. This was obviously a horrible first impression and somewhat of a setback when it came to having any of them in my bed by the end of the night. 

The streets of Lagos are just as I remember them; a drunken, coke filled slut haven. I was really enjoying the looks guys gave me when they saw the hotties I was partying with, but having said that, I still wasn't overly confident they would take me seriously considering the floppy cock I apparently always have. I did a few approaches throughout the evening, but I wasn't content with wasting my time on mediocre looking girls. I ended up banging Sarah (with a full on erection) and it would be fair to say I took out my frustration of being floppy cocked with her friend on her vagina. I have been friends with Sarah for about 3 years and I recall us stopping mid-bang to laugh about the situation and although I don’t regret it, it was a little awkward in the morning.

The following night I went bar hopping with the uglier group of girls. The night started fairly similarly to the previous night; vodka, cocaine and a house full of girls. After dancing the entire night like a bunch of spastics, I was given the wonderful job of looking after Rachael, a girl who had had her drink spiked with one of Lagos’ infamous blue pills. These things are everywhere in Lagos and they get you messed up! Rachael was fairly standard looking: slight ghetto booty, c-cup breasts, 5’6’’, cute, but not someone I’d go out of my way to fuck…well normally. Although I had snorted about half a gram of coke I still struggled to keep up with her conversations, as she was chewing her face off and fairly incoherent. At one stage she forced me (at knife point) to give head to a banana because she wanted to “see me suck dick”. Hey, you’d probably have no hesitation in deep-throating a banana if a pilled-up, knife wielding woman forced you to. I ended up banging her in the shower and got accused of raping her by the other girls in the house. On paper this would seem like a classic case of ‘guy gets girl shitfaced and fucks her’, but I can assure you it’s not.

- Gavin Madden