The pros and cons of banging an Eastern European prostitute

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Last night I broke my rule and paid for sex. Since travelling Eastern Europe I have come across many travellers who have had no regrets about paying 50 or so euro to fuck possibly the hottest chick they’ve ever laid eyes on. It was because of this I became increasingly curious to experience a prostitute first hand.

Earlier in the night Lionel and I had joked about visiting the whorehouse, but I could tell there was a certain degree of seriousness in his eyes. During my trip to Varna I had been very close to fucking a prostitute and had it not been for a few logistical problems, I would have been banging some dirty bitch in an alleyway.

Bucharest is one of the prettiest capital cities I’ve been to in Eastern Europe; furthermore the women are beautiful and pleasant to talk to. For this very reason I have no excuses for going to a hooker other than out of “curiosity”.

The group had been out for several hours and were getting fairly boozy. I hadn’t had sex for 8 days so sex was at the very front of my mind, but putting in effort to get it wasn’t something I was in the mood for. Being drunk, horny and lazy are a dangerous cocktail of emotions that will have you in the back seat of a cab on the way to a Romanian “massage parlour”.

We had discussed a price with the cab driver and he had agreed to take us to the “most beautiful girls in all of Romania”. The girls in Romania are only rivalled by Poland so understandably our expectations were at an all time high.

Upon arriving at the “massage parlour” we were greeted by about 8 skimpily dressed women. “Pick” said the a well dress woman who, although didn’t look like a prostitute, I’m sure she would of fucked one of us for a reasonable price. Lionel and I decided that the 19-year-old Australian that had tagged along could have first choice. He must have been absolutely shit faced because, much to my delight, he picked the second ugliest. As he was escorted away to a private room a dark featured 20 something caught my eye. Her body was immaculate, lips plump, eyes smoky and perky size D breasts; I would be fucking her tonight.

After showering I had a few moments alone in the bedroom so I decided it would make sense to wack myself off to get the blood flowing. Unlike the young Australian that had tagged along I had made sure I hadn’t drunk too much as mashing my flaccid cock against her weathered vagina wouldn’t exactly give me value for money. I had heard that some hookers allow you to kiss them so, although she may have been sucking on a random cock twenty minutes beforehand, I decided I couldn’t resist such a marvellous work of nature. The kissing was surprisingly passionate and the sex was incredible.

Afterwards the conversation was playful and we even had a pillow fight. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume this is not typical of all prostitutes in Eastern Europe, but this was the best 50euro I’ve ever spent. “Goodbye my little monkey” she said as she kissed me on the cheek goodbye. “Goodbye my little guinea pig” I replied.

Pros:

 If you can weasel your way into kissing her, the memory of paying for sex just two minutes beforehand soon fades.

No effort for great sex with a very attractive woman.

Eastern European women live to please men. She knows how to ride and she really knows how to suck dick (In my case deepthroat).

You gain access to a 9-10’s vagina that you may have never been able to enter otherwise.

If you can, go to a brothel or “massage parlour”. They are more like 4-5 star hotels than the sex dungeon most people would picture in their heads. Paying for sex in an alleyway is fucked.

Most of the prostitutes have boyfriends. Knowing you’re banging some dudes girlfriend can be kind of hot. This could be considered a ‘con’ for some people. 

Receiving complimentary fruit and cigarettes.

Cons:

Sometimes the thought of having sex with a girl you’ve been gaming all night is better than the sex itself.

You have to wear a condom when receiving head.

You don’t feel as though you’ve earned the sex.

Knowing that the chick has banged hundreds of drunken men and that you are just another customer makes me weep.

Sex without kissing doesn’t do anything for me, and 99% of the time they will refuse. I suppose I just got lucky.

Eating pussy is one of my favourite things to do.  For me, sex without eating pussy is worse than getting jizz in your face. Unfortunately eating a prostitute’s pussy is fairly dirty, although I know people that have done it (Lionel).

Banging a prostitute can make you lazy. You think “Why would I bother spending money drinking and talking to mediocre women if I can go fuck a 10 right now for 50 euro?” This state of mind will ruin your game forever.

Advice for first timers

·      Only take in the amount of money you’re prepared to spend. Being robbed of anything that’s left in your pants isn’t uncommon.

·      Treat her like any other girl and don’t be afraid to try to kiss her mid-bang. If she’s enjoying herself she may get caught up in the moment and kiss back; she’s only human after all.

·      Have fun with it. Joke around with her before you fuck to try to break down her walls. The idea is to try to make her forget she’s “just doing it for the money”.

·      Do your best to get to know her as much as possible before you bang her. 

   Although building a strong emotional connection with a prostitute is unrealistic, doing nothing but fucking is nowhere near as fun.

·      Don’t turn up too drunk. Spending the whole time trying to get an erection isn’t worth your 50 euros.

·      Try for anal at no extra cost

- Gavin Madden