The vibe

When travelling abroad you adopt a new state of mind that encourages a ‘living in the now’ mentality . You have a heightened sense of adventure and you care less about the consequences, which allows you to do things you never thought you could. The mind numbing 9 to 5 routine that most people cement themselves into is no longer the keeper of your soul which, when contrast with the local people around you, creates waves of positive energy. The vibe is the very reason I believe I was able to snag a French girl whilst her friends, who had been trying for months, watched in disbelief.

This particular story was from back in 2010 whilst travelling through the Baltics.

During a night out in Riga I met an Australian who was studying aviation in Sweden. David was tall and nerdy looking, but seemed nice enough so I obliged when he offered to set me up with some free accommodation in Linköping; a small university town south of Stockholm. He had taken up a study abroad program and had been in Linköping for 6 months, which is easily enough time to lose your vibe once settled into your routine.

During our pre-drinking session David and his friends had mentioned they were meeting up with a few girls they were keen on and another French girl who they had been trying to bang for the last 6 months without success. They described her as beautiful and untouchable; the most sought after girl at the university. Listening to these guys describe her as if she were the female version of Jesus was rather intimidating, but I was looking forward to the challenge.

Upon entering the club David informed me that the girls hadn’t arrived yet. After downing a few drinks I was stopped by security and told that I needed to coat check my jacket and that I would have to pay for this privilege. I wasn’t happy to do this, but agreed to check my coat after going to the toilet. For some reason I had worn a dirty t-shirt under my jacket that night so decided it would be best to leave my jacket on.

Fifteen minutes later the girls arrived and although the Swedish girls were cute, I could see why Ms. France 2010 was making the boys leak pre-cum every time she was mentioned.

Flore was a thin brunette with crystal clear pale skin, bright blue eyes and although French, her English was impeccable. The boys had talked about her ability to ‘friend zone’ you within a couple of hours of meeting so this obviously needed to be avoided.

At this point of my life I hadn’t read anything about game and had to rely on any natural game that I had. Flore was more than happy to talk to me and seemed very interested in my travel stories. I was puzzled as to why she was giving me so much attention. It wasn’t because I was Australian because there were a few out with us that night. I wasn’t the most handsome of the available men in the group, but I see David could sense something was going to happen.

We had been isolated in the corner of the club for 15 minutes and not being friend zoned was all that I could think about. I had nothing to lose by kissing her. I was never coming back to Linköping and there was a good chance I would never see anyone I had met that night ever again. I had my chance and I took it.

The kiss took her by surprise and after an initial pull back she kissed back. I opened one eye to see David and his five friends glaring at us in disbelief. Their pussy had been knocked off the highest of pedestals and looked to be nothing but mine.

After 15 minutes of porno make out sessions I let Flore know I needed to go to the toilet. On my way back I was grabbed by the scruff of my neck and escorted to the exit like I had just thrown up on the dance-floor.

Me: “Why the fuck am I getting kicked out?”

Security: “Because you never checked your coat!”

This may have been the first time in history someone has been kicked out of a club for not checking their jacket and as I was leaving the next day so this was my one shot at French glory.

The streets were covered in snow and I had no way of contacting David or more importantly Flore as I had no phone. As I stood wondering how I could get back into the club I was approached by a blonde Russian dressed like a schoolgirl.  After making a few jokes about how cold and young she looked she pulled me close and kissed me. She used more tongue than anyone I had ever met in my entire life and I estimated she had the same amount of saliva in her mouth as a Doberman. 

After ten or so minutes of the most fucked up make out session of my life, I was tapped on the shoulder by David.

David:  “What are you doing? Flore’s been waiting for you inside and you’ve been out here with this chick?”

Me: “Yes”

I’m not sure why I didn’t mention the reason I got kicked out, but I’m sure it may have put him in a better mood. Not only had I kissed the girl of his dreams but I had seemingly ditched her for a Russian dressed like a 15-year-old.

I told the Russian that I would meet her inside as David brought Flore out to see me. He stared at us awkwardly as I kissed Flore hoping that she couldn’t taste what seemed like litres of Russian Saliva in my mouth.

David and his friend’s jealously had spiraled out of control and they had decided to tell Flore what I had been doing outside in the snow. Needless to say after leaving Linköping I was never contacted by David again, but still received a Facebook friend request from Flore a few weeks later.

I would say the hardest part about having the vibe is never losing it. This is something I plan on doing.

- Gavin Madden

10 things you need to know about Ukrainian women

1.     95% of girls are not sluts and because of this one-night stands are rare. Going two or three dates without sex is common, but the sex is worth it.

2.     Learning a few Ukrainian words will increase your chances of picking her up by at least 25%.

3.     Being feminine in anyway will not do you any favours. Ukrainian women want men; so be macho as fuck.

4.     Not unlike Poland, dark skinned men are worshipped. Don’t leave your girl alone with even the ugliest Spaniard; they will win her over most of the time.

5.     When texting they will take their time replying. I found it common for them to leave at least 6 hours in between texts. A smiley face is usually typed like this :) however Ukrainian women will leave the eyes out making it seem as though she’s putting her sentences in brackets. 

6.     Appearance is everything. High heels are worn more than any other shoe, even to dinner at your apartment.

7.     Up to 50% of Ukrainian men have some form of alcoholism so although being shit-faced is awesome, a more controlled approach is more desirable.

8.     Being cocky will get you nowhere when first approaching women. ‘Confident nice guy’ is your best bet.

9.     Use protection when fucking. Birth control isn’t used nearly as much as it should be.

10. Having an apartment to bring her back to will increase your chances of being in her vagina by at least 50%. Most girls between 18 and 25 still live with their parents and trying to sneak her into your hostel is a risk you shouldn’t be willing to take.

The Apartment: WEEK ONE

After one week in our apartment we have managed to secure ourselves two stage five clingers, two flaky head fucked hotties, a plant Lionel stole from the street and a possible eviction.

The story begins with a text from Julia that read: “Hey, you and Lionel up for some fun tonight?” Lionel and I decided to give the fiery red head and ‘virgin girl’ another whirl before we removed them permanently from our lives. We met them out at a nearby bar where would drink for a few hours before beginning our walk back to the apartment. Lionel had gotten considerably drunker than any of us and decided pushing over street pot plants would have the girls begging for sex as soon as we got home.

This behaviour is apparently quite uncommon in L’viv so the girls and I decided to run back to the apartment to escape a beating from the local authorities. As we entered the apartment I noticed Lionel in my peripherals close behind us carrying what look like a plant. As I turned to tell him how ridiculous he was acting he proceed to lob dirt at me, covering my entire face. This unfortunately wasn’t the end of his rampage. If I didn’t know any better I would of thought he was trying to cockblock both of us. Thankfully we had fucked the girls quite well a few nights beforehand. I feel confident in saying that their pussies were ours even if we had of sacrificed a goat right there in our kitchen. The sex was great, the house was caked in dirt and I even performed a porno style jackhammer on Julia.

The following night we decided to contact two girls we had met at ‘Metro’ earlier in the week. Natasha had a classic case of ‘I’m hot as fuck, but dress like a 12 year old from 1995’, but this didn’t seem to bother Lionel. Irena, a solid 8.5, was of equal attractiveness to Natasha and possibly the ditsiest Ukrainian I’ve ever met. We had organised to have sex with them at our apartment under the guise of cooking them dinner. The text message conversation was equally as odd as Natasha’s dress sense:

Me: “Hey we had fun with you the other night. You and Natasha should come over to our apartment for drinks and dinner tonight?

6 hours later…

Irena: “Yes we will come.”

I then sent her our address and told them to come over at 8pm and asked her if there was anything in particular they didn’t eat, but received no reply.

Me: “Do you eat fish?”

2 hours later …

Irena: “Yes”

We had decided to wait until they arrived to cook the fish, but by 10pm we hadn’t heard anything from them and decided we were being stood up. I shot Natasha a text: “Are you coming?” to try to confirm this, but was surprised to receive a text back within two minutes: “In 15 minutes.”

Forty-five minutes later Lionel and I were having a cigarette on our balcony discussing how fucking rude these bitches were when we heard the girls familiar laughs. We watched them try to find our apartment for the next 10 minutes for some light entertainment before calling out to them and eventually letting them in.

They both wore brightly coloured jeans and 6-inch heels making them slightly taller than us. The girls make up was light, their toned stomachs were clearly visible through the fishnet t-shirts they both wore. They giggled like schoolgirls as they entered our apartment whilst handing us a bottle of Ukrainian whiskey and white chocolate as a gift. I thought that was nice of them, but white chocolate and whiskey is a small price to pay for being weird as fuck.

Me: “Okay, we can start cooking now.”

Natasha: “We’re not hungry.”

Not only did they make us wait, they had something to eat before they came over for dinner. These girls were being bitches and I was very close to letting them know this, but the power of the pussy made me bite my tongue.

Lionel and I had noticed that every time we had been out with these girls they had never drank and were always completely sober. We decided it would be in our best interest to feed them alcohol to loosen them up, as they seemed a little uncomfortable speaking English. After four or so drinks they were both drunk: Objective one complete.

My following actions were due to the fact that in Eastern Europe it’s very common for a guy to go home empty handed if he doesn’t act like a complete sleaze and fails to control a girl both mentally and physically. Eastern Europe seems to be stuck in the 1950’s where buying a girl a drink isn’t a sign of weakness and a hot woman will fuck an ugly dude as long as he’s a good man. The women are rarely dressed like sluts and are incredibly obsessed with how they look. It’s uncommon to have a one night stand so taking them out on a few dates is highly recommended if you want to bang anything over an 8.

After good results using cave man game on Julia I decided to try it out on Irena. I took her by the hand and told her I was going for “a smoke”. The beauty about the balcony is that you have to walk through my bedroom in order to gain access. I pushed Irena onto the bed and playfully smashed her over the head with a pillow. She pulled me down onto the bed as we passionately kissed in clear view of Lionel and Natasha who were still chatting in the kitchen.

Earlier in the night the girls had mentioned that they had a great relationship with god and to signify this they would wear a ring on their marriage finger. This was obviously a very small set back, but Lionel was fairly keen to slay his second virgin for the week.

Whilst kissing Irena on the bed I noticed Lionel carrying Natasha into his bedroom. The isolation part of the mission was complete, now to make the epic journey past the glaring eyes of our lord and saviour ‘Jesus Christ’ and into the depths of her vagina. Her barriers were up incredibly high. It was as though her daddy was going to inspect her vagina the moment she got home to make sure not even a finger had been inside.

I tried for at least 2 hours, but I only got as far as her amazingly well rounded breasts. After giving up she fell asleep and I heard Lionel in the kitchen drinking a glass of water so I decided to ask him how he went.

Lionel: “Kissing and awesome boobs”

We said goodbye to them in the morning and were left scratching our heads.

We received a text from Penelope later that day: “Why were you awake at 3am this morning? I walked past your apartment and your light was on”.

Are we concerned? Yes. A little.

- Gavin Madden

The Apartment: Day one

Within 20 hours of checking into our apartment Lionel and I have managed to each bang a Ukrainian. This particular apartment was selected due to its central location and our most favoured club in L’viv, “Metro”, is only a 15 Minute walk away. In one of my recent posts I discussed logistics and believe the following furthers their importance.

We arrived back in L’viv from Kiev after 10 days of extreme intoxication, random hook-ups and seedy bathroom sex to move into a centrally located apartment at a cost of €75 per week. We decided that after weeks of binging on fast food, a healthier option would best provide us with the sustenance needed for the week long sex-fest we we’re hoping for. We filled our fridge with enough fruit and vegetables to feed an orgy and got started on contacting Julia and Penelope.

Julia, the slim, fiery red head and Penelope, the assumed cock-fiend, were the Ukrainians we failed to bang on our previous visit to L’viv. Lionel and I had decided that the only reason we didn’t get to dip our cock inside of them was due to the fact we had no suitable bedding arrangement to do so. We had no other option but to rent an apartment for the sole purpose of having a bed in close proximity to the bars we were visiting.

We arranged to meet the girls at a club called “Metro”. It’s generally good any time of the week, but the girl to guy ratio is best on the weekends. Lionel and I spent most of our pre-drinking discussing our game plan. After the last encounter the girls knew what they were in for. We wanted sex and we wanted it tonight, but we weren’t about to make it that obvious.

After paying our 35 Hryvnia (€3) entry we were greeted with a dance-floor packed full of horny drunken Ukrainians. Lionel and I worked our way through the crowd to the outdoor area where we sat like patient lions waiting for our prey to arrive. Our plan was simple: Get the girls back our apartment, but it would prove to be easier said than done.

Both Julia and Penelope seemed fairly standoffish. The conversation flowed well, but their reactions toward us when getting close seemed a little off. They were playing hardball and after a conversation between Lionel and I during one of their toilet breaks we decided adopting Neanderthal type behaviour was a better option.

Mid-conversation I took Julia’s hand and pulled her to the other side of the bar, slid my hand up the back of her neck and grabbed a fist full of hair and gently squeezed. She let out a sigh as I pushed my cock against her crotch and thrust my tongue down her throat. After opening one eye to see what Lionel was up to with Penelope it would seem that he had employed the exact same technique. Two couples having aggressive, cave man make out sessions over the bar would have been quite a sight from an outsiders point of view, but at this stage we were happy to try anything to make their pussies wet enough for them to agree to visit our apartment.

Lionel: “You girls have to see our wallpaper! I’m not going to tell you what colour it is, but it’s hideous!”

This was a well disguised way of getting the Ukrainians back to our apartment and it seemed to work up until we reached the steps leading to our front door.

Julia: “Okay, we’re going home”

Lionel and I proceeded to walk up the steps in front of the girls as if we hadn’t heard them. We opened the door to the apartment as Lionel went on about how ridiculous our wallpaper was. They seemed to respond to forceful behaviour, so we had no other choice but to ignore anything they said that didn’t go along with our plan to get them naked. They soon followed using the excuse that they would come in just to “sleep”. Game over.

I pushed Julia into my room and onto my bed. I looked back to see the door open and, like a trained dog, Penelope closed the door for us as she drunkenly wandered into Lionel’s room. Before I knew it Julia had already taken off all of her clothes, but I was soon just as naked as she was. As I slid my hands down I noticed her crotch was insanely wet, it was as if her water had just broken.

Earlier in the night I had mentioned to Lionel that our beds, although in different rooms, are only a few metres apart. It was like Lionel’s cock was entering Penelope’s vagina an inch from my ear. As Julia let out squeals of pleasure, I could hear Lionel plowing into his very first Ukrainian.

Afterwards Lionel and I rendezvoused in the kitchen covered in sweat. “Sounded like she enjoyed you” I said. “She was a virgin” Lionel replied with a devious smirk on his face.

I’m not 100% sure whether it was a combination of them feeling comfortable enough to fuck us along with having a nearby apartment or just simply having an apartment that got us this particular bang; I guess only time will tell.

- Gavin Madden