The importance of logistics

My recent experience in L’viv, Ukraine, has proven everything I’ve learnt about the importance of good logistics to be true. You may have the tightest game in the world, but with an apartment that’s too far away or a hostel that doesn’t allow guests, your nights will become frustratingly sexless.  The only exception to this would be to find a quality girl that’s happy to fuck you in an alleyway, but this behaviour is most common amongst fat and/or ugly girls.

I believe one of the most common mistakes made by men is assuming that logistical problems will work themselves out and that if you can’t supply the bed she will happily invite you around to stay the night.  This may happen after a few dates, but rarely when trying for a one-night-stand. It was this exact behaviour that would lead Lionel and I to a horribly frustrating night with our first hook-ups in Ukraine.

Julia was a tall, slim Red head with a ghetto booty and would moan mid make out session to let you know you were doing a good job.  Penelope was shorter and quieter, but alcohol would turn her into a sex fiend with an appetite for cock.

We had organised to meet them at a local S&M bar for drinks. Earlier in the night Lionel and I had briefly discussed sneaking the girls back into our hostel dorm rooms, but doing this would prove to be difficult. Julia had come to out with an attitude problem and Penelope was noticeably drunker and hornier much to the delight of Lionel.

After receiving a few lashing from the waitress, Julia was making it very obvious that she was wanting to go home. Penelope, who by this time was slurring her words and sitting on Lionel’s lap, wanted nothing more but to be riding Lionel’s penis like a well trained jockey.

During the walk home Lionel had convinced Penelope to come back to the hostel to “sleep”, but Julia seemed hell-bent on idea that going home would be a better option. The girls would argue in Ukrainian for the next few minutes I would say it would’ve roughly translated to this:

Penelope: “I wouldn’t mind rimming Lionel tonight, but you’re being a bitch! Can we please just go back to their hostel?”

Julia: “I don’t want cock as much as you want cock so we’re both not having cock, you’re coming home with me!”

Penelope: “But I haven’t had any cock in 24 hours and I need my fix!”

Julia: "No Penelope, you’ll just have to wait until I need cock, then you may have cock also!”

Penelope: “Bitch!”

Julie: “Slut!”

Penelope: “Okay we’ll go back their hostel, but only to sleep”

Julie: “Yes….sleep”

The girls would walk us up to our hostel where Lionel and I would isolate the girls and have passionate make out sessions. The receptionists were usually asleep on the couches by this time, but for some reason we were greeted by a plump lady as soon as we opened the door. She politely refused them entry and we were stuck in the doorway with two attractive, willing Ukrainian women with no place to fuck.

It was at this point it dawned on me that we were complete fuck wits. Why didn’t we plan for this? This may have been our only chance to fuck these girls and we didn’t plan to have a bed?

The girls scampered back down the stares. Julia and I made out a little more just inside the front door as Lionel was doing his best to convince Penelope to sneak him in to her parent’s house. The girls made an exit and we were left with rock hard penises that we had tucked under our belts.

The moral of this story is clear: Always have a bed handy to plow a girl in. Whether it be day or night, it’s in your penis’ best interest.

- Gavin Madden