Varna

Varna is a city that promises so much, but gives so very little. With a population of approximately 335,000 people, I would assume 50% are male and of that 50% an estimated 5% would go clubbing. That leaves you with a little over 8,000 shaved head, macho, closed minded, emotionless fuckwits to deal with whilst venturing out for a night on the piss. It wouldn't be overly far-fetched to think that the only thing that would bring a smile to a Bulgarian man's face would be to see me with a rope around my neck hanging from a tree. As I struggled to keep conscious they would comment on how if I had of just had less fun, shaven my head and worn clothes that my mother had picked out for me I would of been spared.

I have been at a hostel by the name of 'X hostel' for the past 6 nights. Although situated in one of the wealthiest parts of Varna, it is a fifteen-minute cab ride away from any notable pubs or clubs. 'Golden Sands’ is the area most frequented by partygoers and can best be described as what Las Vegas would look like if left uninhabited for around 200 years. It’s dingy, cheesy and over 50% of the tourists are German.

 A typical Bulgarian girl would have an olive complexion, nicely rounded ass, larger than average tits and light eyes, all of which give me a raging erection. Unfortunately their attitude towards tourists or anyone that doesn’t speak Bulgarian made them as attractive as a hat full of foreskins. Bulgaria had yet to do my dick any favours so I would focus my attention on talking to fellow travelers, as Bulgarian women were a waste of time.

It was our second last night and the group had decided to head into Varna to avoid the expensive tourist areas. This wasn’t a great idea if we wanted to avoid aggressive Bulgarian men, but frequenting the same clubs and expecting different results was never going to be a step in the right direction. ‘Extravaganza’ was a club that was apparently worth a look so we decided to check it out to see what all the fuss was about. As we entered the venue the group immediately split up. I was with a fellow Australian named ‘Lionel’ who was very similar in appearance and attitude towards finding some vagina to beat up. Our approach was simple: We would parade about the club like we had just snorted a gram of coke each. The contrast between our surroundings and us was incredibly obvious, as everyone in the club acted as if someone had given them the news that their family pet had just died. The mafia presence was obvious, but that didn’t seem to bother us at the time as our focus was put solely on making all the unhappy people look worse than they already were and most importantly on landing some quality ass.

Our dancing closely resembled that of what can we be seen in ‘Night at the Roxbury’ and as expected to locals didn’t warm to us in any way. I had pretty much given up all hope when two blonde non-Bulgarian looking women caught my eye walking in my direction. As they passed I had nothing better to say than ‘hi’. This seemed to do the job as the shorter girl of equal attractiveness to the taller one grabbed my hand and whisked me away toward the dance floor. They were Russian, flirty and cute. Had my luck changed? Was Bulgaria being a shit hole all in my head? Could my initial thoughts of Varna be changed for good? The answer to all three of these questions was: “FUCK NO… CUNT!”.

As I started to get close to my new 20-year-old Russian friend I felt a hand firmly grip my forearm. In my peripheral vision I could see two well-built males pushing to other males towards the door. I feared the worst as I turned my head to see a bouncer pulling two of my friends towards the door and they had decided I must also leave. I had lost my chance with the Russian and I had successfully been kicked out of a club for the second time in my entire life. Our group gathered out the front in confusion, as we were puzzled as to why we had been kicked out. Turns out it was because two of the guys had been Irish dancing and the bouncers were apparently not too keen having anyone enjoying themselves inside their 'club of misery'.

The Russians would follow us out the front where we would exchange numbers and I would receive a sneaky handjob ten metres away from where my friends had congregated. We would arrange to meet with the Russians the following night.

After an incredibly disheartening few nights out in the clubs of Varna we had decided that bringing the Russians to the beach would be ideal. The Russian’s had messaged us to let us know that they would be at a club called ‘Arrogance’. My mate ‘Alan’ and I would plan to get them out of the club and onto the beach. The beach would provide us with a perfect setting for sex or skinny-dipping at the very least. As we entered the club horrible memories of the previous nights in Varna clubs came flooding back to be me and the urge to get in and out became even more of a priority.

We quickly spotted the Russians and they waved us over. We were greeted with hugs and kissed; things we were looking good. Alan hadn’t hooked up with the taller girl; so I would distract the shorter one by initiating porno inspired make out sessions. Within two minutes Alan has worked his tongue into her mouth. He would later describe it as “…having two settings: mouth closed or gaping” and that it “...was like kissing a cement mixer minus the taste”.

We let the Russians know that we were heading down the beach and asked if they wanted to join us. The taller one was tentative at first, but I feel I had done enough groundwork with the shorter one for her to convince her in her fancy Russian language. On the way to the beach we both Alan and I decided it would be best to stop by the supermarket for Vodka as it would increase our chances of beach sex.

Arriving at the beach it was just a matter isolating the two and sealing the deal; easier said than done. Alan and I sat on the outside as hey chatted in Russian and it came increasingly apparent that their English needed a little work. I’d imagine that a portion of what they were saying to each other went a little something like this:

“Hey Katerina, vodka and big furry hats are my favourite”

“Yeah, me too”

“I can’t wait to have big cocks in my bum”

“Yeah, me either”

I suggested short Russian and I take a walk into the water. As we made our way down toward the water I told her to get on my back. I piggybacked her down along the beach about 30 metres away from Alan and the taller Russian. She jumped off my back and I pushed her down onto the sand. She resisted me taking off her shorts so I slipped my hand underneath her shorts and panties from the bottom. Her pussy was ridiculously smooth. I remember thinking “I feel as though I’m fingering a 10 year old, but a 10 year old wouldn’t be able to fit 2 fingers in her asshole”. She was happy for my fingers to be in any hole and soon enough her shorts came off. We formed a 69 in full view of late night beach goers with another mate of mine giving a Swiss German girl a boob massage somewhere in the background. It was good, but intercourse was the only thing on my mind.

I suggested a swim. She obliged and removed the rest of her clothes, revealing a perfectly tanned and toned Russian body. With her bra and g-string on she galloped toward the warm black sea water, I followed wearing nothing but my boxers. Finger banging her within an inch of her life was more than satisfying as she hand jobbed the shit out of me, but sex resistance was in full force.

We decided to meet back up with Alan and the tall Russian. Alan had been met with even worse resistance. He hadn’t even managed to get his finger in her vagina and/or ass and was stuck with horrible make out sessions. By this time it was close to 5am. We then got some food, which made us incredibly tired, and we decided to call it a night. We dropped the Russians at their hostel. “Russian sluts, huh?” remarked the taxi driver after they had gotten out of the car.

- Gavin Madden