The biggest sluts in Thailand

Whilst traveling it is every man’s duty to seek and destroy as much foreign vagina as he possibly can. Whether he is climbing a mountain, visiting a mosque or even on a date with another girl he must always keep his eye for his next target. Cock-blockers are also at an all-time high and can easily disguise themselves as ‘just another friendly backpacker looking to make new friends’. It was this exact mindset that allowed Lionel and I to find the biggest sluts in Thailand.

After our adventures in Koh Tao we headed southwest to Koh Phi Phi as we had heard it was full of Russians and Swedes; boner achieved. The island had been completely destroyed by the tsunami is 2004, but as our boat pulled into the shoreline the scenery made any other place I’d visited look like an absolute dump. The water was crystal clear, the mountains a perfect shade of green and you could smell the sex in the air as we walked amongst an orgy of tourists.

This was paradise.

On our way home from dinner I noticed two girls sampling some street food. They looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it so I decided to go find out.

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”

“Hey! Yeah we met you and your friend in the street party in Bangkok a few days ago.” She replied with an engaging smile.

We must have been so shitfaced that we didn’t remember girls we spoke to only days beforehand.

“Oh okay, well I suppose you’ll be going out tonight?” I asked already know that her answer would be…

“Yeah for sure, my friend and I will be on the beach at 11 you should come party with us.”

I agreed it would be a good idea. Lionel and I had just found our new targets for the night.

By 11 Lionel and our two new South African mates had successfully downed several litres of concentrated Redbull mixed with vodka. With energy similar to that of a person who had just snorted 5 grams of cocaine, our penises lead us towards the beach bars in search of the girls.

Within 5 minutes we had spotted the girls sitting on beanbags watching drunken retards jump through a ring of fire. As I made my way over I made a mental note to strategically sit next to the decidedly more attractive girl. Amelia was tall blonde and slender with noticeable bright blue eyes. Her kiwi accent wasn’t enough to distract me from her over-the-top flirting and obvious body language.

“Did you know Kiwis are the most promiscuous women on the planet?” I said with a smirk

“No, I didn’t know that, but sometimes I can see why.”

As soon as she finished her sentence I leaned in and kissed her. We kissed for no more than 30 seconds before we continued our conversation as if nothing had happened.

During our conversation I had noticed Rob, one of the South Africans, getting cozy with the Amelia’s friend, Kelly. She was a short, English, brunette with a sizable rack and a naturally sexual nature. They seemed to be in a deep conversation so Lionel and the other South African, Mike, were left to fend for themselves.

After countless buckets I found myself alone with Amelia. She was keen for us to meet back up with Kelly. She had mentioned to Amelia that she wanted to kiss a guy with long blonde hair so she was happy to share me with her. Within a few minutes my tongue was down Kelly’s throat while Amelia watched.  Amelia then went back and started kissing Rob.

“Wanna come see how shitty my hostel room is?” I said turning my full attention back to Amelia. Making it completely obvious I wanted to fuck and I wanted to do it right now.

“Yeah, but we need to get food on the way home.”

Through an alcoholic haze I somehow resisted the urge to eat on the way. I know too well that a stomach full of greasy food would make me sleepy and affect my sexual performance.

As we fucked I remember thinking “How the fuck do I have an erection right now? I can’t even see 2 metres in front of me.” Much to my surprise I was even able to blow a solid load onto her stomach.

The following day Rob informed me that he took Kelly home, but failed to maintain a full and firm erection so he resorted to eating her pussy for a stupid amount of time. This saddened me, so I gave him some words of encouragement along the lines of: “That’s cool, just fuck her tonight. Make sure you don’t get too drunk though.”

The night started just the way it had the previous night, although this time Amelia had eyes for Mike and Kelly had eyes for Lionel. They were going to perform the classic switch-a-roo, which didn’t bother me as I had already emptied a load onto Amelia. I also found it funny that Mike would kiss the very lips that were wrapped around my cock less than 24 hours beforehand.

I decided to find some fresh meat, but every time I spoke to another girl either Amelia or Kelly would deliberately come over and cock-block. Not only did they want to perform a switch-a-roo, they also didn’t want the guys they had kissed the previous night to find someone else incase they needed one of us to fuck as a backup. Smart girls.

After a few hours of disgusting make out sessions Mike broke it to Amelia that he had a girlfriend back in South Africa and wasn’t going to sleep with her. I could see the disappointment in her eyes as he left the party to go home. Her attention quickly turned back to me. As Rob had gone off on his own Lionel and I were left with the two girls.

“Let’s go home!.” Kelly demanded

I wasn’t overly keen on fucking the girl I’d already fucked just after Mike had rejected her, but if they were just going to cock-block me I didn’t stand a chance with anyone else. I think it’s safe to say girls are 10 times the cock-blocker any man could ever be.

We arrived back at our room around 30 minutes later. Kelly immediately got naked and began pushing her tits up against the window as partygoers walked past. Lionel followed suit and suggested she join him for a shower. I was curious to find out exactly what these girls were all about. They seemed to work well as a team and had successfully gone through the four of us within two nights and made it look easy.

“So how long have you to known each other?” I asked

“We used to work on a cruise ship for 3 years, but have only been travelling for 2 weeks together.”

“…You seem to have the whole ‘picking up men thing' down pat.” I said. Trying to delve a little deeper.

“Yeah Kelly and I have fucked a guy basically every night since we started travelling”

I quickly did some simply maths.

“So between you two you have fucked nearly 30 guys in two weeks?”

“Yeah, give or take.” She said, not making eye contact

“Fuck” I said trying to hide my eagerness to get my dick checked.

I didn’t push the conversation any further than that. I felt compelled to let Lionel know that the girl he was about to fuck most likely had AIDS, but decided against it. If I had AIDS he was going to have AIDS also!

All four of us sat on the bed together talking random shit. At this stage in my head they were an 8/10 on the slut-o-metre, but I was keen to increase that to a 9 or 10.

“Lionel, I think you should spread Kelly’s legs and eat her pussy right now.” I suggested, grinning from ear to ear.

“Right now, in front of you two?” said Lionel

“Yes.”

As Amelia and I played with Kelly’s enormous breast and without any hesitation Lionel spread Kelly’s legs and slid his tongue inside her pussy.

“Okay Lionel, now I think you should baaa like a sheep as you’re doing it”

His baaaa was muffled by her vagina, but it was still a baaaa nonetheless.

After we fucked both of them I turned to Lionel…

“Lionel my man, I think we’ve found the biggest sluts in Thailand”

- Gavin Madden

Top 4 ways to freedom

People always seem to be envious of the life I live. They use the words "Jealous" or the phrase "You're so lucky". I, however don't see it as luck, I just choose to avoid the following: 

1. Buy a house

Paying off a mortgage for 20 years doesn't exactly sound like fun to me. Your grandparents did this and your parent most likely did this also, but it doesn't make it right. People save to buy houses because they want stability, but stability directly affects your freedom. Buying a house will limit you to be in one part of the world for at least 90% of the year and with repayments you can hardly afford, there is nothing left to have fun with. 

The only logical reason I would ever buy a house would be to sell it five years later for a profit. I would use these profits for travel, but this means I would be home for a high percentage of the those 5 years paying the mortgage, thus the reason I am yet to buy an investment property.

I haven't met many homeowners that do anything more than work in a job they dislike to pay off a house they don't necessarily need.

2. Start your career early

You potentially have 40 years of full time employment ahead of you, why would you bother rushing into that? 

Why make the decision of what you want to do for the rest of your life in your 20's?

Coming straight out of high school I had no idea what I wanted to do and was amazed at the fact that people were enrolling in courses they may not even want to do at the end of their 3-4 year course. You change a lot in those first years out of high school so I decided I wouldn't go to university because I had to, it would be because I wanted to. I'm still yet to go to university and I seem to be having a lot more fun than most of the people I know.

Your career can wait, your youth cannot.

3. Girlfriends

I don't see myself settling down until i'm in my 30's so I see no reason to tie myself down with a girlfriend. 

You will rarely find a 'taken man' that enjoys the same freedom as a bachelor. Having a girlfriend makes it twice as hard to find the freedom that anyone can have. Not only is traveling with a girlfriend one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life, it also made me resent her. I saw how much fun all the single backpackers were having and I felt as though I was missing out on something special. Then again, you will always have the 1 in 10 couple that have just as much fun so I mean this in a general sense.

4. Listen to what other people think you should do

Having to listen to what other people think you should do is something people deal with day in day out. I reserve taking advice from people who are doing or have already done something I really want to do. Not from people who think that just because they can't do it, you can't do it either.

If someone says you can't do something, it's probably because they don't have the energy, guts or drive to do it themselves.

Don't be a victim of the 'School-Work-Marriage-House-Baby-Work-Work-Work-DIE' attitude that a lot of people still have. Do whatever the fuck you want!

- Gavin Madden

Two bangs, one night

Before arriving in Koh Tao we had heard it was great for two things: Diving and partying. I was only looking to dive into vagina so I decided that sticking to hunting for it on land would be my best option.

We shared a room with a Canadian and a few other German men so having sex with one of our roommates was out of the question. The Canadian seemed the coolest so Lionel and I decided to let him tag along as we made our way to the bars.

Earlier in the night we had been told that a place called ‘The Fish Bow’ was the best place to party so we decided to take their advice. As soon as we entered Lionel struck up a conversation was a tall, tanned brunette so the Canadian and I patrolled the dance floor for a while.

After no more than two minute of assessing the dance floor the Canadian tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the other side of the bar towards where Lionel and his girl were standing. My eyes quickly filtered out the smoky haze and laser lights to see Lionel having an intense make out session with the girl he had spent no more than 3 minutes talking to. He had moved fast and this prompted me to start approaching anything with a vagina as to kick start a better pussy hunting mindset.

With five approaches under my belt I headed back to the bar to get a drink. Lionel had left his girl by this time and was busy wooing another potential suitor on the other side of the club.

At this point I’d like to mention that Lionel and I look quite similar so in a dark club I would understand if you were to mistake one of us for the other.

Before I could even open my mouth to order a Redbull vodka I was spun around:

“There you are!”

“Huh?” I blurted out. Completely confused as to who this girl was.

She pulled my head in and thrust her tongue down my throat. I decided not to say anything. I was confused, but I’m not stupid.

We made out like porn stars for two minutes before it clicked. It was the same girl Lionel had been kissing only minutes before and she assumed there was only one person in the bar that looked like him. She was a lot cuter than what she looked like from a distance and as Lionel had disappeared, it was only human for me to oblige when she asked me if I wanted to go skinny-dipping.

She took my hand and quickly guided me out of the club like she had done it a million times before, which she probably had. We stopped at a nearby pool and took our clothes off as if they were on fire. She dove in and swam to the other side of the pool and I was quick to follow suit as my penis began to fill with blood. Before we were close enough to kiss I slid my hand up her thigh and began to rub her pussy.

“Come over here” she said whilst slowly swimming toward the steps in the far corner of the pool.

She spread her legs and guided my fully erect penis inside of her. The water rippled as I thrust in and out, transforming the once still water into a wavy sex pit.

“I want it in my ass” she whispered as to make sure no one cold hear how much of a slut she really was.

I turned her over slowly slid the length of my cock into her looser than average asshole. I’m not sure how I find these anal sluts, but I seemed to have had more anal sex than the average male. I would eventually cum inside of her ass and she would decide to go home, but I was curious to see how Lionel and the Canadian were doing.

I walked around the club for ten minutes, but Lionel and the Canadian were nowhere to be seen. I felt as if my job was done for the night so made my way back out the door towards my hostel.

As I made my way home I began to analyse my night. What did I do right?  What did I do wrong? These types of situations don’t happen all the time so I needed to focus on making the situation and not counting on sex falling into my lap. As I asked myself these questions over and over again I noticed the silhouette of a female walking towards me along the path; she was cute and by herself. I decided to try my luck for shits and giggles.

“Hello!”

“Hello” She replied enthusiastically as she slowed down to chat.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m trying to find my friend. She has disappeared and I’m by myself.”

This sentence is music to any horny man’s ears. Not only does it mean you can keep her company, it also means her friend has probably already hooked up so she is now that little bit more desperate to find someone to fuck.

I decided to go for broke. I’d already fucked one girl for the night so I didn’t really feel like hanging around for hours until she was ready for sex.

“Well I guess you’re going to have to find someone to kiss”

“Ummmmm I’m not sure about that” She said in a German accent.

I didn’t bother with any more conversation. I gently grabbed her hands and pulled her towards me. There was no resistance so I kissed her. The kissing was fairly heated and it quickly turned into an anything goes grope session. It was about this time when I realised we were basically dry fucking on a lit footpath at 3am after meeting no more than one minute beforehand.

I stopped and looked around for a suitable place to fuck. My cock was red raw and wasn’t exactly clean, but that didn’t stop her from sucking it as soon as we found a nearby balcony. As she sucked I thought to myself, “If only she knew my cock had been up some other girl’s ass only thirty minutes beforehand.”

“Now fuck me!” She barked as she took off her panties and lifted her summer dress.  

Why did I ever book a flight home?

- Gavin Madden