After a drug filled final night in Lagos we
caught the bus at 7am to Seville, Spain where we were to catch a flight to
Tallinn, Estonia later that evening. Within an hour of stepping off the bus
onto the 40C+ streets of Seville my body had begun to shut down. An epic summer
of sleepless nights, drugs and malnutrition had begun to take its toll on my
already frail body. My insides felt as if I had been starved, bashed and
brutally raped. My backpack was too full to allow for all my clothes to fit, so
naturally the only option I had left was to wear the remaining winter jackets,
jumpers and t-shirts on top of my singlet and shorts. I spent my time in
Seville wearing what seemed like ten layers of thick wool wrapped around my entire
body, bleeding from my gums (gingivitis) and suffering from the worst come down
in human history. I was fucked.
Upon our arrival to the hostel in Tallinn I
collapsed onto a bed in the hostel dorm, where I would spend the following four
nights curled up into a ball of misery. I had developed one of the worst cases
of tonsillitis that I had had in recent memory. Every night I was forced to
listen to the frenzied sounds of drunken debauchery in the common area as I
laid in bed wallowing in my own self-pity.
On the fifth day I had almost made a full
recovery and after a conversation with David we decided that Riga would be our
next destination. After breakfast we gathered all of our belongings and caught
a 15euro bus to the Latvian capital.
After four days of what seemed like
solitary confinement I was busting to hit the clubs of Riga in search of
bangable foreign women. We were told by the owner of our hostel that a venue by
the name of ‘The Club’ was a great place to meet foreigners without having to
put up with large groups of pretentious snobs.
We decided to take his advice and the night that followed was one for
the ages.
During our pre-drinking session we had
befriended a Canadian by the name of Richard. He was an average looking guy
with a fair complexion and short, ash blonde hair. His motives for going out
were similar to that of any single male backpacker: Get drunk, talk to cute
girls and have sex with them.
Upon arrival to ‘The Club’ we paid our 5
Lats entry and decided to head upstairs to get a better view. After a quick birds
eye scan of the dance-floor it was obvious that we’d come to the right place.
The mix of the fellow partygoers was split 60/40 in favour of women, however I
was much too busy eyeing off potential targets to notice a pair of attractive
blondes sitting alone on the couches behind us.
David: “She
we go over and talk to them?”
Me: “Yes.”
As I turn my body to face them I put one
foot in front of the other whilst trying to think of something witty to say
before arriving at their feet, but as my brain had been starved of female
interaction for almost a week I went with something simple, yet effective.
“Hey,
where are you guys from? I said with a stupidly large smile on my face.
They stopped mid-conversation to face me as
they quickly assessed my aesthetic qualities.
“Hello,
we are from Finland” Replied the decidedly less attractive of the two.
After two minutes of mediocre conversation
I turned back to David and Richard in attempt to wave one of them over, but
they had disappeared. It would be hours
before I came into contact with either of them again.
The girls were friendly and seemingly
competing for my attention, so leaving me alone gave me the obvious advantage
of being able to choose to persue the more attractive of the two. I spent the
next two hours trying to isolate the Girl#1, but her friend was rather shy and
blew off any male attention she received in order to continue hanging around
Girl #1 and I.
I gave up isolating Girl#1, so whilst
making a conscious effort to find David and Richard I resorted to getting the
Fins as drunk as I possibly could. For every ten minutes of dancing I made them
agree to taking a shot, so after a few hours we were understandably shit-faced.
I began to tire so I decided that if I was
going to have enough energy to have sex I would have to persuade the girls to
leave with me immediately.
“I’m
going to go home. Do you girls want to walk me home?” I managed to slur.
The ten or so shots I had taken had begun to take effect.
“Yeah we’re getting pretty tired as well, but
we don’t feel like walking very far.”
“Oh, I live about a 10 minute walk from
here.” A blatant lie, but I wasn’t going to allow the night to end without a
make-out at the very least.
TO BE CONCLUDED
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