Melbourne in one sentence: The most expensive city I've ever been to, but the nightclubs, bars and girls are enough for you to temporarily forget about the money you're spending.
A pint of beer: $8-$12
Cocaine: $300-$350 per gram (forget about it)
My average cost per night out: $150-$300
Must see club: Revolver - Friday/Saturday night/Sunday morning.
Like most large western cities the 'live for the weekend'
mentality has run rampant so expect the clubs and bars to be packed regardless
of the weather. Having said that I've found the mid-week hookup to be much more
likely given that most university students prefer a cheaper option on a
Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday evening.
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The following took place on ANZAC day (An Australian national
public holiday).
The familiar vibration of a text message was felt against my leg
as I lay awake in my bed. As I robotically swiped the lock screen to one side I
could see the message was from Jim, a friend of mine.
"Where are we going
to watch the game today?"
It was ANZAC day. A day to honour the fallen Australian and New
Zealand soldiers of World War One, World War Two, conflicts and peacekeeping
operations by getting blind-drunk and watching
a game of AFL. Jim and I had decided to gather a group of
roughly fifteen people to accompany us to a bar in Richmond on the outskirts of
the Melbourne CBD. As expected the bar was crammed wall to wall with drunken
20-somethings enjoying every minute of their mid-week freedom.
With my pint of beer firmly gripped in my right hand I decided
to position myself away from most of my friends as to get a better view of the
outside television screen. During the first quarter of the game I had bumped
into a few guys from work who had taken a liking to a group of girls to our
left.
“That chick is hot.”
Whispered Steve as he turned his body towards me in an attempt to disguise his
admiration.
“I think you should go
tell her.” I replied.
With a split second of hesitation and a sip of his beer Steve
turned in the direction of the group of girls. His face remained emotionless as
he took a few steps in the direction of the short brunette. Her face was slightly
chubby, but her body reasonably thin. She wore black leggings with a pair of
denim short shorts complimenting her rounded ass. Her low cut top revealed a
perfectly tanned set of breasts, which made the hours she spent at the solarium
obvious. As they watched the game her group’s shrieks of excitement sounded
similar to the squawking sounds of a hungry group of seagulls fighting over the
last piece of bread.
“You’re hot” Steve said as he stood
facing her maintaining strong eye contact.
“Oh, thanks” The short brunette replied
grinning from ear to ear. You could see in her face that she was understandably
a little taken back by his bold statement. At this point I decided it would be
best for me to introduce myself to their group, as they seemed quite open to
talking to new people. After fifteen minutes of back and forth small talk it was the
short brunette that turned her attention towards me. She would make a point of getting up in my
face like a rabid dog when a goal was scored against the team I was supporting.
It
wasn’t until half time that I saw an opportunity to isolate her from her
friends.
“Hey, let’s go get a drink.” I suggested
turning my body in the direction of the busy bar. She obliged as I took her
hand and led her through the deafening crowd of rowdy football fans until we
reached the back of a surprisingly small queue.
“Should we get some shots? It’s my shout.”
Said the short brunette as we made our way to the front of the queue. I quickly
put my wallet back in my pocket and agreed that shots would be a good option.
As I licked the salt off my hand, threw back the shot and sucked the bitter
juice from the slice of lemon I knew that this would be a good moment to go for
the kiss. The kiss was short, yet passionate. She didn’t seem to care that we
were in a public bar with hundreds of spectators.
As
we made the journey back through the crowd the short brunette mentioned that
she needed to go to the toilet and that she wanted me to wait for her. I told
her to be quick as I stood chatting with the bouncer at the toilet entrance.
Within ten seconds the toilet door swung open.
“Come into the cubicle with me” She
whispered
“You can’t go in there.” Warned the
security guard in his attempt at the deepest voice on the planet.
“I know, I know. I won’t go in. She’s crazy.”
I replied
As
the bouncer walked away I felt her hand firmly grasping my wrist as she yanked
me inside of the female toilets.
“What are you doing? Are you crazy? We’re
going to be kicked out.” I screamed.
I was being a little
bitch.
Within
five seconds my cock was deep in the salivating depths of her throat, but
before I could begin to enjoy it, a loud thumping rattled the cubicle door.
“Get out! NOW!”
We
were quickly removed from the venue, but that wasn’t before I explained
to my friends the reason I was being kicked out.
A
rough timeline of the following 5 hours:
8pm
– The short brunette and I arrive at a family restaurant thinking it was 2am. We
do shots, dry fuck in full view of the entire restaurant and act generally inappropriate.
10pm
– A group of my friends are involved in a fight out the front of the bar.
10.30pm – A group of my girlfriends are involved in a (cat)fight out the front of the
bar. Reeeow
1am – I am invited to stay the night at the short brunette’s house. We order $60 worth
of Mcdonald’s and head home for sex. Her house just happens to be a five minute walk from my office so the journey to work the following day is short. Perfect.
1.30am
– Another group of my friends witness a small Asian boy being dragged down an
alleyway by three would-be robbers. They flee the scene after being scared off.
Oh
glorious Melbourne.
- Gavin Madden
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