Girls with boyfriends

The most challenging part of being in a relationship is to be monogamous. The obvious reasoning behind this is because it’s simply not natural. Man was born to spread his seed and the woman was created to be in receipt of it. All the soppy stuff in between is irrelevant with regard to the continuation of humans as a species. Having said this, in order to truly believe that polygamy is inevitable you have to get inside the mind of someone who has cheated on his or her partner and I thankfully had the chance to do this last night.

Maria was an Erasmus student from Mallorca in Spain. She studied the English language so, unlike most of my conversations with eastern European girls, I was able to incorporate humour into my game. Her lips were full; her hair was long and her eyes green due to her apparent German ancestry.

We were interrupted by countless drunken Italian/Spanish fuckwits during our conversation, but luckily they simply suck at not being the greasiest sleaze-balls on the planet.

In general clubs in Krakow are flooded with hoards of horny Italian/Spanish men that use creepy game to seduce naïve Polish girls who aren’t used to men approaching them so aggressively. I believe this type of game will turn Polish girls into snotty bitches and sabotage potential sex for men from most other countries. 

Here's a quick look at some of their classic tactics:

ü   When approaching a female asks if she likes Italian/Spanish men. If she  hesitates in saying 'No' go for the kiss immediately.   

ü   Approach couples and stand in between the two with your back to the guy. Be sure to encroach on her personal space. Chicks dig that shit.

ü   Approach single girls in groups of three or more. When she rejects you it’s harder to tell which one of you she was more disgusted in.

ü Go for a run before you enter the club. The ‘sweaty look’ is always a winner.

ü     Kissing random girls you've never spoken to on the neck gets them horny. Don’t be discouraged if she looks disgusted, every girl on the planet wants an Italian or a Spaniard.

With Lionel and Harry busy entertaining Maria’s friends it was time for isolation. I took her hand and pulled her from the bar telling her I “needed to talk to her in somewhere quieter”. As soon as we sat down we kissed, but after 10 seconds she pulled away. She then said the four words no man ever wants to hear: “I have a boyfriend.” She had been with him for four years and he was coming to visit her from Spain in a week. We kissed a little bit more and she went on to say how she felt we had a ‘connection’, but felt very guilty. After begging me to add her of Facebook we left the club.

This is the kind of behaviour in females that will never allow me to fully trust them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to hook up with a hottie who has a boyfriend, but to have a connection with some random foreigner in a club is simply a way to justify being a slut.

- Gavin Madden